Not Enough Time

To anyone who’ll read this,

I’m sitting here next to my bookcase full of unread books, looking up and down at it while the inevitable looms in the back of my mind. It’s no wonder I have anxiety. There’s not enough time.

Not enough time to play all of the video games all the way through, finish all of the puzzles that surround my room, to finish writing that book that’s in my drafts, or to read all of the books that are piling up. The end is inevitable, but I choose to fill it with mind-numbing hours on my phone and in my laptop doing homework.

Graduation is in December, maybe May 2020, but that’ll be a year (or year and a half) until I can have all the free time I need (barring any part time job of course). Yet, I can’t help but feel like that year is just going to fly by and I would’ve wasted it.

Having ADD is a lot of work, my mind is always in overdrive and I can’t sit still. The only things that’ll turn off my thoughts are puzzles and sleep. Yet, here I am. Typing up a blog on my phone, when I could be journaling or reading. Oh well, at least this is an entry! So, my time wasn’t wasted.

2019 is going to be the year of creativity whether I realize it or not, I just have to keep fighting and focus on the right things. No longer will I wait around for replies or notifications on anything. I need to focus on me, and me alone.

So, I’ll continue to date myself this year. Figure out who I am. The creative person is inside me, I just have to meet her again.

Thanks for reading,

Love, Danielle

I See You

I see you,

 With your green slitted eyes,

And your long pointy nails.


The way you move,

through the mulch,

and the way you eat,

I see you.


Scales,

Tails,

Nails and all,

I see you.


And even though,

Others are intimidated by you,

I want to hold you,

And the anticipation,

 is killing me.


I watch you through,

The glass cage,

 that confines you.


I watch as you scurry,

When people take photos of you.


I’m one of those people.


It’s been almost six

years.

Since I’ve found

my love and

fascination towards you.


I have a list of names

in my phone

already ready for you.


So,

blue iguana,

sitting on top of your house,

made of logs,

in the middle of Petco.

I see you.


And I’m almost ready,

to bring you home.

Joie de Vivre

Outside in the wintery mix,

Flurrying snowflakes fall to the ground.

When you open the doors,

Heat hits your face,

While the smell of fresh grounds,

Invades your nose.

The cushiony chairs throughout the room,

Welcome you as though,

You’re in your very own home.

Walking in the Wi-Fi connects,

Apples are placed on the desks.

Fellow classmates fill the empty spaces,

Furrowed brows with focused faces.

Order a cup or two or three,

There will never be enough,

Brewed coffee.

The steam from the cup,

Warms your senses,

The smell of pumpkin spice,

Drifts from your mug.

At this point,

You don’t even need it,

The caffeine doesn’t affect you,

You just drink it to fit in,

With the fellow zombies around you.

You drink it for the taste,

You drink it for the aesthetic,

You drink it because it’s become a bad habit.

Coffee,

Homework,

And reading,

Are your only escape.

They consume your everyday life,

But you’re still counting down the days,

Until the calendar marks the next,

Holiday break.

My Joie de Vivre,

You guessed it,

Is coffee.

Also, if you think this poem,

Is just like the last one,

You’re right!

You caught me.

– uninspired, but inspired

My Happy Place

Open the vast wooden doors,

the smell of grounds fills the air,

velvety green carpet beneath my feet,

maroons and yellows give the space more flair.

With the thermostat perfectly set to unfreeze,

look outside and you can see,

colored autumn leaves,

fallen from a Quaking Aspen tree.

Shelves lined with expired sycamores,

the irony isn’t forgotten.

as the bundles of paper sit upon,

treated wood and chopped up branches.

The smell of parchment is soothing,

it brings a smile to my face,

I can’t believe an inanimate object,

could bring my thoughts back in place.

Sitting in the cushy chairs,

watching others pass by,

carrying their array of volumes,

that’ll prevent them from using all the Wi-Fi.

While this setting is perfect,

the bundle in my arms,

will cost a fortune.

How could this possibly harm,

the savings I’ve collected,

for this very hour?

Indecisive I will stay

until my common sense decides to flower.

No, screw it!

This bundle of joy,

is worth all this hassle,

but I’ll put back the Tolstoy.

because I’ll never read it.

Who has the time to explore,

the views of marriage,

through the eyes of some whore?

Except.

She wasn’t a whore,

Tolstoy just wanted her,

to be exposed as such!

What deplore!

Let’s get back to the point.

Where were we?

Alas!

Right before checkout,

I feel like an ass.

Ranting and raving,

about fictional labels,

when really this bundle,

needs to be paid for.

The total adds up,

to no less than fifty,

I don’t even care,

this price sure is thrifty!

Ten volumes for that price?

You’ll never beat.

This bookstore is fantastic!

Now time for a treat.

We grab some crème brulee,

from a bistro nearby,

then get in our car,

but before we drive home,

we don’t make it far.

We turn in our seats,

to look at the place we adore,

we drive in front and take photos,

the modern way to say:

“I’ll miss you my love,

with your comfy chairs,

and nice patrons,

I’ll move here one day!

So, we can be closer,

Until then my sweet,

I’ll visit you shortly,

for I can’t help the defeat,

my pocketbook brought me.

So long,

farewell,

goodbye,

Tattered Cover!

I’ll be back soon,

because I’m a book lover!”

You

The other day..

I cried.

Not for the sake of a mental breakdown,

but because of my love for you.


The curves of your face,

the smell of “you”,

the way your lips look,

when you smile.


From your head,

to your toes.

You’re mine,

just like you’ll always be.


For better,

for worse,

til death do us part.


The vows haven’t been exchanged,

just yet.

But the piece of paper required,

isn’t that far,

from being signed.

I just hope you realize,
that I’ll always be there.


AllBee there for you,

during the rough times,

and during the bad.


AllBee there for you,

during the happy times,

and during the sad.


Just know that even though,

we aren’t where we wanna be,

just yet.

I’ll always be with you.

No matter what.


Simply because I love you,

oh so much.

Favorite(s) Nack

Crunching in

every bite.

The chewing masks,

the noise emitting

from the screen.

But,

I don’t care.


The oil coating my fingers,

makes this even better.

It adds more flavor,

to every handful.


Savoring each

and every bite.

As the plot progresses,

the outside of my jeans,

become textured.

From the wiping of the grainy,

specks of this sent-from-god snack.


I go to lick my fingers,

and the taste of butter fills my taste buds.


I need,

to ask for a refill.


Could you guess what delicious
morsel I’m describing?

If you didn’t see,

the original picture?


 popcorn

They Pounced

 

His brown hair flows,

in the subtle wind of the basement room fan.

His eyes set forward in a trance,

watching and waiting for his food.

Patiently,

 with his butt in the air,

he pulls his ears back,

and waits.

He waits for his prey to still,

before he can attack.

The creature watches as the human,

picks up the dish,

scoops out the pellets,

and puts the dish back.

His prey was ready.

The ritual was about to begin.

He looked over to his brother and nodded,

they were both ready for this exact moment.

The creatures weren’t sure,

when they were going to be fed again.

So, they pounced.

They pounced for the food,

that they weren’t going to ration,

because they didn’t know how.

All they knew,

was that they were hungry,

and there was food.

Right there,

in front of them.

They finished it off within minutes,

but their bellies were still growling,

like the beasts, they were.

The blobs of fur laid by the dish,

for what seemed like hours,

but it was only minutes.

They let out little sounds.

They yelled at the humans impatiently.

“Feed us!” they shouted.

But no one came.

Not for hours.

They were left in the basement.

Alone.

Minutes turned to hours.

Hours turned to days.

They were hungry,

and felt like they were withering away.

When finally,

the human came back.

“I just fed you five minutes ago,”

the human lied.

The human always lied.

We watched as they scooped,

they scooped the food up,

and set the bowl down.

The furry creatures put their,

butt in the air,

folded their ears,

and they pounced.

Dinner was finally served,

or was it second breakfast?

Losing Parts of You Like;

I am losing parts of you like I lose eyelashes,

unknowingly and everywhere.

I am losing parts of you like I lose my creativity,

unwilling to produce art.

I am losing parts of you like I lose so many pieces to puzzles,

puzzles I’ve held onto for years,

in hopes I’d complete them.

I am losing parts of you like I lose little pieces of my sanity,

with every anxiety attack,

every crying mess I’ve hid in the bathroom.

I am losing parts of you like I lose my hair,

shedding thick broken strands,

whenever I comb or wash it.

I am losing parts of you like I lose my concentration,

letting ADD from my childhood take over my brain.

I am losing parts of you like I lose my train of thought,

filled with over-thinking and questioning.

I am losing parts of you like I lose one of my socks,

whenever I put a load through the dryer.

I am losing parts of you like I lose pieces to my Lego sets,

each scattered piece picked up by felines

that jump on the organized piles strewn about.

I am losing parts of you like I lose my place in my book,

the bookmark remains on the floor,

unnoticed.

I am losing parts of you like I lose my patience,

getting angry over every little mistake.

I am losing parts of you like I lose my hydration,

sipping away at coffee and tea,

refusing water.

I am losing parts of you,

whenever I look into the mirror,

and see someone I don’t recognize.

 

– the old me

 

Italicized fraction from:  Milk and Honey, pg. 127, Rupi Kaur 2014